Announcer: Summer! The time when America's youth escape from the bonds of the educational system and are free to roam the earth! Kid 1: I'm going to France! Kid 2: I'm going to Japan! Kid 3: I'm going on the Internet! Announcer: But wait, mister Internet... what good is traveling without any money? Kid 3: Well, I was thinking I could maybe just post on some forums and maybe chat a little and -- Announcer: WRONG! It's about time you got a JOB! Kid 3: Awww. [title: Summer Jobs in America] Announcer: Yes, the summer job. A staple of the journey into adulthood. Anywhere else in the world, you'd have lazy young adults performing menial tasks, like [montage of kids doing excruciating work] plowing fields, milking cows, or paving roads! But here in America, our system is far more complicated! We harness the power of immigration [show latinos working at a fast food chain] and outsourcing [show indians working at phones], so we full-blooded Americans are left to do more taxing, complicated jobs, like... like... uh... office jobs! [cut to kid sleeping at desk] Announcer: Here's a hardworki-- [hand brings a balloon on screen and pops it] Announcer: Here's a hardworking summer intern right now! Tell us, son, what do you do? Worker: Oh, I like to play on my DS. Oh, and get drunk. Announcer: Ha ha! At work, son, at work. Worker: Yeah. What? [cut to another intern] Announcer: Here's another intern, putting his American education to good use with a highly technical position. Jeffrey: Yeah, hey. Actually since there's too much overhead for them to actually give me any work to do, I just animate in the office all day. Announcer: Will you look at that determination! Keeping up two skilled jobs at once! What a trooper! And with cash flow comes responsibility! [cut to girl with fancy car] Look at this young lady, putting her hard earned cash to good use! Girl: Oh I just sit around at my job so I can get out of my parents' faces. They bought this piece of crap for me after I crashed the other one. [scene change to kid approaching dad sitting in a recliner] Announcer: But how do you enter this fast-paced world of employment? Watch this young lad ask his father for advice! Kid 4: Dad, I have a question... Father: Yes, son? Kid 4: Could you set me up with a 6-figure income for over the summer? Father: Sure, you'll start working as my intern next week! Both: America, the land of opportunity! [fade to American flag; montages] Announcer: Yes, here in America, we pride ourselves on hardworking youth and challenging occupations. While third-world countries like France or Canada slack off, our children fuel us toward a bright future, filled with candy. Delicious candy. Jesus bless America!